The Multi Spatial Impossibility of The Next Two Weeks
It began a month ago, I signed up for a math class, multi variable for the curious. I was taking a Thermodynamics course at the same time, and my job as an admin assistant was 10 hours a week of total bullshit desk work.
Well it could have been, but I’ll be damned if I let a bunch of hard working 20-somethings upstage me in the work place, I love labor god dammit! If my collar was any bluer on my white skin, I’d just as soon be the next Beauregarde. Not this bitch! I am, well… I am.
Anyhoots or hows, I show up to class stinking of cigarette smoke and sweat, picking up and tossing 50 pound boxes like I was fighting well above my weight class in some MMA, WWE, MDMA, fiasco. It’s easy, everything is just taking my time up, eating at it as if it were festering meat and the gnawing tick-tock clocking and ringing of the campanile had lain their eggs for the next generation of grubs already.
I can see my body deteriorate in the mirror on occasion, the hormone therapy eroding what was once lean muscle from my days in track and field, the alcohol leaving purple voids where some might have seen eyes before. A miserable thing, the soreness, the laze, the ease with which it all goes away.
In death, at the bottom of a bottle, or bag. Perhaps, I could try melting my brain with daytime TV, or get really into brewing coffee and drink 5–7 cups with my daily allowance of lithium, Xanax, Omeprazole, and Depakote. I can play video games until I cry, you get the idea. I am a hypocrite, and, an asshole.
I met another Armenian man in the psych ward once, really funny guy with a killer mustache. He seemed really aware, just wanted to do crazy shit sometimes, like… dance with the nurse, or harass them for nicotine gum. Only verbally of course, the dude was like an annoying cat or something. He was a DJ, and I just remember laughing at how he would say “They put me on god damn Depakote, dani. That shit is for crazy people, dani. They’re gonna put me on Abilify, dani jan.” etc etc he would go. Back and forth we would switch between English and Armenian, and he was the first dude to speak lovingly and normal in my beautiful native language since I moved to the Bay. It felt good. I think it freaked the nurses out, but once I got out of there pretty fast, hopefully they didn’t think we were just nutjobs speaking in tongues to put them on edge.
Sooo…
Right! The multiplicity of my being, not in any meta-phorical, -physical, -ironic kind of way. I have a class, a meeting, work, and a midterm all at the same time. How does this happen, you may ask?
Well, since we are making it each other’s business, that you read this and write it….
6 units minimum for summer financial aid.
Two classes of 7 units too hard, hence dropping that Math class…
I could write an equation and solution out in 5–10 seconds, and end up spending a minute or more manually entering it into this dog-shite system. Multiply by 60 problems… anyway, if you don’t get it, I must be stupid. Or lazy.
Anyhow, I end up scheduling two classes (2 and 1 units), have work, a midterm (oops!), all at the same time one day trying to earn that financial aid, government. I am working hard! On top of that, I used the aid they gave me initially to pay rent (stupid!), while one of my jobs pays in rent credit (hence, the stupid!).
Now, I hunger…
For food.
If there was another me, I might end up eating them. I can’t wait for that day!
