Words I didn’t know

IgNormous

Ignoramus indefinitely dependent on others’ validation

She’s of an ignormous type, your best bet is to ignore the infidelity and impossibly eradicate your attachments.

Sad

A feeling when recent events evoke gut wrenching pain and emptiness of the soul. The whole body cannot move, stricken with shock and awe, we say grief, to take in the moment that is so that it may pass with some reprieve.

No, I am not sad, I am depressed, which is to say that sadness is a state of being more than a feeling.

Angreetings

The last fight you were in has rolled over into the next day, and the next, and the next, … etc.

I gave her my angreetings with grace, told her she was beautiful while she insulted the look on my face; disappointing!

When I put up boundaries with people, they tend to ignore me. Less like a leaf a pedestrian absentmindedly crushes on the sidewalk and more like a lethal car accident. I flash my blinkers, lay out some warning cones, and stand a safe distance from the ensuing pile up. I get so angry, how can they be so stupid! I couldn’t move the damn car out of the right lane and did everything I could to stop this insurance nightmare, short of jumping off a bridge. I’m just glad I wasn’t in the car. But they were. Who’s gonna pay for this?

Two years ago, I didn’t know what anger was or how to use it.

A firefighter shows up to a building ablaze, hooks up their hose to the hydrant, and releases the flow of water. They fall over, unable to control the vicious adirectional explosion of pressure. They crack their head open on the edge of the sidewalk, the building burns down, water and ash fill 4 city blocks downwind, and the helmet was invented.

Poetry in her piss, she wet her sheets because I was inside of her, and made me pay with laundry. Then, day and night, I became the cause of her incontinence. Never mind the years of drinking and the diuretic effects of the mixture of substances she has ingested, its color is what is important. She refused to drink water, and I stained the same set of sheets irreversibly and undeniably dandelion, to my great joy.

Sprinklers were installed to quell rising flames until firefighters arrived, hoping to prevent small fires growing in scale. She didn’t pay her water bill, and the sparks turned storm, smoke signals SOS saturating the sky.

Carpenters, architects, engineers, corresponding with the wills of the fire marshal without redress to the flammable dress she adorned her body with, that duvet’d her bed, that towel’d her improbably dry whilst in the shower. What to make of a burning ocean, just pour some water on it. Smother the flame like a grease fire, it’s oxygen that makes her burn.

Her skin itself is cold to the touch. How pure sodium in fine powder ignites with air without spark and burns red hot. How a chunk of it sucks the heat from your fingers, your heart pumping you temperature blood seeping into a vacuous metal soon to punish your epidermis and turn your fingerprints to blisters.

Cold and hot, hot and cold, contradictions swarming and turned Black over her essence. Day in and out inescapable except for the pouring humors from her abscesses, the rape of her mothers, melanomas and sun burns on her whiter children. Pretty pink babies too dark for vikings and too light for the curly hair she grew up braiding.

I did not know that I am capable of anger!

This is rage, boiling slowly to bubble to the top. The churning mantle splits the crust of the Earth, tectonic plates shift and send tsunamis and earthquakes to the surface, a shift in perspective. Rolling over in bed. Volcanoes erupt and radiation irradiates, the poles of the Earth protect us from its worst, allowing us to blossom and kill her for birthing us. She has seen so much, what is one insignificant life to the toil of her creation, sprouting green in the barren universe for a third of its existence. If Gaia should fail, she has an eternity to unteach the enmity borne in her children until life overcomes the obstacles of:

evolutionary_steps = [
    "The origin of life",
    "Photosynthesis",
    "Eukaryotic cells",
    "Multicellular organisms",
    "Cambrian explosion",
    "Evolution of flight",
    "Human evolution"
]

Laid siege on her bedsheets she berates me, hates me for my self-respect. Dignity that I uphold despite my duress. Slowly, confounded by love and surrounded by God there is no other and it is all turned to the soil in Eden. What other belief can I hold to continue and watch the story untold unfold and compound with the stories of billions before me, unseen amendments, commandments, and repentance to come.

Bad Attitude

That’s what the white man keeps telling me is keeping me down, the negativity I espouse while my spouse is doused in gasoline and my inadequacies cannot stop the planes dropping napalm, or the enslaved minors mining for the technology I take for granted.

Apparently, my bad attitude is the reason this continues.